A Straightforward Approach
by Christopher Scott
Summary: Endless monotony takes its toll, even if you're guarding love and justice from the forces of evil. After months of fighting with only Tuxedo Mask for occasional backup, Usagi Tsukino decides to get pragmatic in her approach. The world will never be the same. Bit and pieces from different continuities will be in use here for comedy's sake. truly, Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief


A Straightforward Approach

Chapter 1

Start with the Facts

I don't own Sailor Moon. That honor goes to Naoko Takeuchi. I have no excuse for this nonsense and shall pick and choose things from the adaptations to fit jokes.

Usagi Tsukino was tired. She had been fighting on her own as Sailor Moon for months, now, and the Negaverse just kept going at it. Just three days prior, she'd had to deal with a fast food restaurant called McDark Queen, and now their thing was a superstore called Jadeite Mart. He didn't even have the decency to wear any disguise other than a monocle without the glass this time. Idly, she wondered if the Dark General was a tired as she was before shaking her head.

"I hope he's more miserable than me," she muttered.

"Did you say something, Usagi?" Luna asked.

"Nothing," she replied quickly, "I was just wondering when they'd just give up."

"The Negaverse doesn't just give up," Luna said, "They'd never make it that easy, unfortunately."

"I know... Wait. They won't make it easier, but I can make things easier on myself..."

"How?" Luna asked in confusion.

"We know how they work and where they are. No one ever questions when they suddenly close down or vanish. I think we've got all the cards. I just need a bit more info and we'll be good to go!"

Usagi raced off, causing Luna to immediately rush to keep up before she stopped at her destination.

"Naru!" she said cheerfully, "Have you been to the new store?"

"I think I'll pass, Usagi," she replied slowly, "Honestly, I'm starting to not be too sure about the new shops that keep popping up. Every time I go to one, I don't know what goes down, but Sailor Moon winds up being there and then it closes down. I think I'm just gonna not go this time."

"Makes sense to me," Usagi replied, "Wanna go by the arcade?"

"Can't," Naru sighed, "I promised my mom I'd help out at the shop after school."

"Alright," Usagi said, "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

* * *

That night, an odd conversation was occurring.

"Usagi, what do you think you're doing?" Luna asked as the currently magically disguised Sailor Moon dragged the wagon of red containers to the back of Jadeite Mart.

As she suspected, there was no actual loading dock and no security cameras, so she got started by unscrewing the lid of one of the containers.

"Getting this problem dealt with," Usagi replied, pouring the contents all along the ground by the wall, before starting a trail of it along the side of the solitary building. She continued with a few other containers so that she was certain that she had enough before she found herself having gone all around the building and finished off all but one container, which she used to make a trail away from the building and any nearby buildings. Once she had done so, she took the kitchen lighter she'd borrowed from her house and used it to start the fire before going to the front of the store and waiting.

Luna watched in muted horror before Usagi answered her unasked question. "The youma never come out of the shops, Luna. Not unless I'm fighting them, and they never get too far. They don't even summon their victims until I come in. They have to be tied to the location, somehow."

An inhuman screeching sound echoed through the building before a fanged beast that was on fire burst through the door.

"Moon Tiara Magic!" Sailor Moon shouted, striking down the youma before it could even react. As the youma crumbled to dust, Usagi turned towards Luna and cheered, "This is so much quicker! Why didn't we think of this before?! I'm kinda disappointed that we didn't get Jadeite, though, but we'll get him next time!"

* * *

Elsewhere, where time meant nothing and everything, a green-haired figure watched as this whole affair came to pass. Things seemed to be progressing in the right manner, outside of the change in tactics and, were she to be honest, she would have confessed to have wanted something new to occur before Sailor Mercury was slated to turn up, three weeks from this event. Idly, she wondered whether there would be any other noteworthy changes to the timeline in the meanwhile.

* * *

With no one to interfere, Usagi's new approach continued.

There had been an electrical fire in the Dark Kingdom Arcade, the oil fire at the Nega Circus, and the flour-based dust explosion in Chef Jade Ite's Bakery. She was really proud of that one, if she were to be honest, since she hadn't been sure that she'd be able to pull it off. Luckily, they actually used flour and a poorly-ventilated building. Unluckily, Jadeite had apparently caught on to what she was doing and was not personally staying inside of his businesses anymore.

Usagi wasn't even as tired as she had been anymore, since her methods were making things shorter. She would occasionally see a top hat from a nearby rooftop from time to time, no doubt Tuxedo Mask, whose usual gift of moral support and/or energy when she'd been exhausted hadn't been needed for her current methods, so he had been hanging back for the time being, occasionally offering words of praise for her successes. If he did need to perform his rose trick, she'd need to remember to bring up her idea of him carrying one hundred roses so that he could unleash an effective barrage upon the youma while still preserving the aesthetics of his theme.

Luna, meanwhile, had been surprisingly easy to get onboard with the new mission statement. The effectiveness and the improvement of Usagi's grades to what they had been prior to becoming Sailor Moon, which, while not great, were better than what being Sailor Moon had done to them, had Luna determine that this was a better method for all involved.

This new methodology soon became the new normal for Usagi, a status quo that would go unchanged until three weeks had passed and an important meeting came to pass.


End file.
